Today, what counts as creative is blogging.
Yesterday, that question bothered me a bit, as I found that I was putting pressure on myself to do that one. creative. thing. I don't do well with artificial pressure. I wanted to draw another view of "working at home," but it just wasn't working for me. For days I had been having a cut-out dress from last year on my cutting board... but that really wasn't happening, so I packed it up. That was liberating, actually. And then I sat back and read In this House of Brede and didn't worry too much about it.
Today, I discovered the answer.
Most of the day yesterday, I was fretting about food. I guess I realistically bought enough for two weeks. Problem was, we ate it over two weeks. Because we haven't been going to restaurants. I believe we have eaten out twice in the past three weeks--pizza and hamburgers. The way I see it, the fewer people handling my food right now, the better. But supplies have been dwindling, and even though I ordered "curbside pick up" on Sunday, the first available pick up time was Thursday.** So after the kids finished off the bread for lunch yesterday, I was stressing about it a bit. I have some beef in the freezer (long story), which is an unusual luxury, but I knew I had not taken it out to thaw soon enough. (It's probably better, since when I opened the vacuum-sealed bags tonight, one smelled strongly of bread. NOT the smell I expect from beef.) I had some chicken and flour, however, so I made chicken with a thick "soup" and made dumplings (or "clouds," as my family fondly called them!--just biscuit dough, but tasty). We didn't have peas or carrots, so we had some frozen broccoli on the side (or in it for those who wanted, which was delicious!). I realize that, although I had ceased to think of it as "creative" unless it was also "fun," cooking is a creative act, and has, in fact, been taking up more of my energy (creative or otherwise) than I'm used to. So I feel somewhat more justified in not jumping in to arts and crafts. After all, I'm also making sure we get our exercise, and trying to earn some portion of my paycheck as well, which has its own challenges.
This may not seem like much of a revelation. I know I knew this at one time. But being utilitarian does not mean that an act is not creative. I can't even make that seem less obvious by verbal artistry. There it is.
To return to reading, I have, I admit, been tempted to put aside Brede. It doesn't move quickly. Reading it is itself a journey and a contemplation. This is the point--the point of my Lenten reading, and the point of the book, I have no doubt. But books that feel like a plodding journey (thinking also of a very different novel--Gaiman's American Gods) do not end up being my favorites. I favor a bit more stimulation. But it is compelling, and though I'm not reading much at a time, I am continuing to read. I just learned that the main character Philippa is about my age, having been married, lost a son, and achieved a high level of success in her career before embarking on her religious vocation. This strikes me in a couple of different ways. However it was presented in the passage I read last night, it occurred to me that (contrary to my desires and expectations) I would not ever achieve that kind of career success--something that hit me hard recently when I learned that now my husband and my very dear friend had achieved the title of "Associate Professor," which I will now never achieve. (I am very proud of them both, and this in no way affects my happiness for them.) But I realize also that I do not have that same emptiness in my life that Philippa had before her vocation. Meaning, I guess, that somewhere in this daily mess, I in fact have my vocation. Food for thought.
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**This morning, I decided to check SAM's club to see if they were delivering locally, and they are partnering with Instacart to deliver. My first "within 5 hour" delivery was here before lunch! That took a lot of the food pressure away. Yay!
4 comments:
Interesting thoughts.
That cooking is a creative outlet for me is something I've struggled with and discovered and forgotten and rediscovered several times in the last few years. Sometimes it gives me great satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes it just feels like it drains me and distracts me from the creative outlets I'd rather give my time to. Sometimes it feels like the only thing that keeps me sane. I do love to cook and I love being creative with ingredients and mastering complicated recipes. But sometimes the utilitarian and quotidian nature of it makes it seem less real and less interesting.
I know what you mean about the plodding pace and wanting more stimulation. I think I've appreciated Brede more on re-reads than I perhaps did the first time I read it. I generally find that with Godden's work. I like her books the first time, but it's in re-reading them that I start to appreciate the bigger patterns and to be able to see the work as a whole. Maybe that's not all that encouraging, though.
I'm gad Instacart and Sams came through for you!
I'm feeling wishy-washy with Lenten reading, and trying to avoid just throwing in the towel and seeking a "comfort book."
I do not love to cook most of the time. I have moments, but it's mostly about the result.
It's funny you should mention Brede because after days and days of not being able to concentrate on anything printed on paper, I finally dug my copy of Brede out and discovered (o blessed!) that I could open it up and fall right into it. Of course I've read it several times. I'm not sure why it was the only book that I could fall into right now. I have a deep and enduring love for some of the characters in it (not actually Philippa, the more-or-less protagonist -- others), and there's a post about it that I have been meaning to write for some time and I knew I would have to pick the book up and read sections of it again to write it.
It's quite possible that it is the idea of enclosure that drew me, rather simply. Anyway, it's been a balm for me the past three days as I read through it, bit by bit.
There's a part in it later that I might not be able to handle reading right now, and might skip.
Oh, and cooking. I have one good friend who has been posting the most amazingly beautiful, exquisite meals on Instagram. I talked to her (on the phone!!!!) last night. It's clear that it is an intensive therapy for her and that she's trying to put something beautiful out in the world. We're all doing what we can to stay sane.
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