What Counts as 'Creative'?

Today, what counts as creative is blogging.

Yesterday, that question bothered me a bit, as I found that I was putting pressure on myself to do that one. creative. thing. I don't do well with artificial pressure. I wanted to draw another view of "working at home," but it just wasn't working for me. For days I had been having a cut-out dress from last year on my cutting board... but that really wasn't happening, so I packed it up. That was liberating, actually. And then I sat back and read In this House of Brede and didn't worry too much about it.

Today, I discovered the answer.

Most of the day yesterday, I was fretting about food. I guess I realistically bought enough for two weeks.  Problem was, we ate it over two weeks. Because we haven't been going to restaurants. I believe we have eaten out twice in the past three weeks--pizza and hamburgers. The way I see it, the fewer people handling my food right now, the better. But supplies have been dwindling, and even though I ordered "curbside pick up" on Sunday, the first available pick up time was Thursday.**  So after the kids finished off the bread for lunch yesterday, I was stressing about it a bit. I have some beef in the freezer (long story), which is an unusual luxury, but I knew I had not taken it out to thaw soon enough. (It's probably better, since when I opened the vacuum-sealed bags tonight, one smelled strongly of bread. NOT the smell I expect from beef.) I had some chicken and flour, however, so I made chicken with a thick "soup" and made dumplings (or "clouds," as my family fondly called them!--just biscuit dough, but tasty). We didn't have peas or carrots, so we had some frozen broccoli on the side (or in it for those who wanted, which was delicious!). I realize that, although I had ceased to think of it as "creative" unless it was also "fun," cooking is a creative act, and has, in fact, been taking up more of my energy (creative or otherwise) than I'm used to. So I feel somewhat more justified in not jumping in to arts and crafts. After all, I'm also making sure we get our exercise, and trying to earn some portion of my paycheck as well, which has its own challenges.

This may not seem like much of a revelation. I know I knew this at one time. But being utilitarian does not mean that an act is not creative. I can't even make that seem less obvious by verbal artistry. There it is.

To return to reading, I have, I admit, been tempted to put aside Brede. It doesn't move quickly. Reading it is itself a journey and a contemplation. This is the point--the point of my Lenten reading, and the point of the book, I have no doubt. But books that feel like a plodding journey (thinking also of a very different novel--Gaiman's American Gods) do not end up being my favorites. I favor a bit more stimulation. But it is compelling, and though I'm not reading much at a time, I am continuing to read. I just learned that the main character Philippa is about my age, having been married, lost a son, and achieved a high level of success in her career before embarking on her religious vocation. This strikes me in a couple of different ways. However it was presented in the passage I read last night, it occurred to me that (contrary to my desires and expectations) I would not ever achieve that kind of career success--something that hit me hard recently when I learned that now my husband and my very dear friend had achieved the title of "Associate Professor," which I will now never achieve. (I am very proud of them both, and this in no way affects my happiness for them.) But I realize also that I do not have that same emptiness in my life that Philippa had before her vocation. Meaning, I guess, that somewhere in this daily mess, I in fact have my vocation.  Food for thought.

______

**This morning, I decided to check SAM's club to see if they were delivering locally, and they are partnering with Instacart to deliver. My first "within 5 hour" delivery was here before lunch! That took a lot of the food pressure away. Yay!

Just Three Things - Working from Home Day 4

No, you haven't missed posts 1-3! I am just joining the crowd online counting the days of self-isolation or quarantine, though we're still more "social distancing" than anything.

I've been struggling recently, not only with writing, but with all things creative. I was released from my academic employment (non tenure track) in May 2018, and from then until April 2019, I was unemployed. It was not a great time for me, but in order to cope, I drew out all of my creative abilities--I drew, I sewed... I even wrote (but not creatively, and mostly to meet a deadline, if memory serves).  I invented a comic that dried up as soon as I was rehired, but which I was very proud of, and posted some samples here.

It all dried up, except for very small bursts, when I was working again. And given that I have an actual book contract (!!), I really need to find some motivation.

So here is an idea that I got from Melanie at Wine Dark Sea, who traces her inspiration (or exercise) to Melissa Wiley: Tell Me Three Things. Mine is "Just Three Things" so that it doesn't sound too ambitious to anyone--including myself!

***

One.

I have still been reading for Lent, but I have not posted. I am reading In This House of Brede and it is a much more Modern (in the 20th C literary sense) novel than I would have expected--meaning that in the literary sense. While it is not Modernist, per se, it moves through characters' consciousness in a way that is distinct in early 20th C literature, and while it is not experimental, it is not exactly linear. It is interesting and challenging, and I have not had a real structurally challenging novel in a while.

I particularly like the... is it a Preface or a Prologue? I am working for a publisher now, so I need to learn these parts of books, but this is a distinction that I've never internalized. Anyway, Rumer Godden's account of becoming acquainted with the Benedictine nuns who would become the source and model for two of her novels (not Black Narcissus) when her sister was pregnant with a high risk pregnancy was fascinating and lovely.

Two.

Did you know that when the weather grows warm, broccoli and broccolini, summer crops, grow faster than you can harvest them, and produce yellow flowers? My current "work-at-home" space overlooks my backyard, where the owners and former residents (for 17 years) set up a number of garden beds, and where we decided to plant some winter crops. We planted chard, leaf lettuce, cauliflower, broccoli, and broccolini--though the only difference I could see between broccoli and broccolini was that the stems of broccoli were a bit thicker. The cauliflower produced four heads, the fourth of which got icky, so I left it. The lettuce first went to seed and then produced abundantly, but it is eaten without being cooked, and I couldn't bring myself to eat it knowing that birds, squirrels, cats, and a little dog who jumped through the back fence all nuzzled up against it at one point or another.  The rainbow chard has been--and continues to be--very productive. And the broccoli/ni are at the end of their growing cycle, but we can't get near them. They are full of honey bees every day! So not only do broccoli produce cute yellow flowers, the bees love them! Who knew?

Three.

One of the best things about working from home is the need to make sure that we all stay active and the ability to follow through with it. We have, in addition to a front yard and a back yard, a wide, quiet street with a park at the end of it, and an equally wide, even quieter short street on the other side of the very narrow park. So every day this week, I've taken my children (now 23, 14, and 12) to the park to walk and bike. True, they don't need me. I guess I could let them go by themselves. But it's nice to be all together. And I need the exercise and the company more than I need the time to myself. It's been nice, and more than once I've wondered whether I might get a job that makes this life possible.

***

There. That wasn't so hard. The last one took me a minute, but not too long. Now let me go write that book... Or make supper, since we're not really eating out right now. I sure could go for a burger, though.

Notes Toward an Article on Blogging and Reading

In a burst of creative/critical energy this morning, I decided to collect everything I have said about notable moments--on my original class blog, which is private, in a conference presentation I gave, in an article I wrote that was rejected, and on this blog--to prepare to shape them into one of the articles I've been avoiding.  I have a number of thoughts about the benefits of the notable moment post.  However, in the meantime I had a revelation about Freud's Civilization and Its Discontents...  I had latched onto Freud's idea that intellectual activity is beneficial because it helps us to stave off suffering, but I have decided that this is only the case when the intellectual activity itself is not the source of the suffering!

I get stuck on research.  When I research, I get lost in trying to be exhaustive, fighting the urge to completely disregard everything everyone else is saying because I'm saying something different anyway.  In the meantime, I become overwhelmed by the cacophany of voices who are not quite saying the same thing, and end up comvinced that I have nothing new to add to the conversation.  This is where I was at about 2 P.M. today, and I have not yet had the courage to look back at all of those open tabs of scholarly and non-scholarly sources discussing blogs and close reading.  The last time I researched blogs and education, I was ultimately rejected by an editor for not citing the right sources (which are pretty difficult to find, frankly).  Here is where not having anyone to ask "how's that article coming," and no real mentor from whom to seek advice really hurts me--because everyone who used to be a mentor has washed their hands of me, since I failed in finding an academic job that would lend intellectual community.  And because of that failing, I am doomed to continue to spiral into failure.  But enough of that.  Trying to lift myself out now!  

I wound up finding the outline I wrote last night, which goes something like this:

• What we think about reading on the internet

• What academics/teachers say about blogging

• Where close reading happens online

• How it can shape how we read

• How it can shape the way we teach

• How it can shape literary criticism

Perhaps if I stick to finding articles that can bolster each of these, I will not need to be terribly exhaustive in order to prove that I am saying something different.

In the meantime, at the end of the above outline was a second outline--this one a little more "conversational"--meant to be expanded into a book.  What I need to decide is who my audience would be, and why they would care...

Blogging the "Notable Moment"

It started with a class…

…and continued with a blog.

It happens on political blogs…

…and religious blogs…

…but is not typically a feature of book blogging…

…or online book reviews.

It can change the way we teach…

…and the way we interact with books.


It can change online literacy, or at least bring literary culture and reading online in a less shallow sort of way--don't you think?

Books that Define You/Me

There's a meme on Facebook that circulates about once a year--and like all Facebook memes, there are several versions--that asks what the 10 books (authors, songs, albums) that most influenced you.  You're supposed to list these off the top of your head without thinking too much about it so that you can tag your friends and keep the ball rolling, or whatever memes do.  This is is not really practical for someone like me, who tends to overthink things--and who doesn't simply read books, but ingests them, internalizes them--lives them.  When I came up with the list, it looked something like this:

1. The Little House Books (mostly The Long Winter and These Happy Golden Years) by Laura Ingalls Wilder
2. The Chronicles of Narnia (mostly The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, The Last Battle, and The Magician's Nephew)
3. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley
4. The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice
5. The Odyssey by Homer
6. The Inferno by Dante Alighieri
7. The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
8. Victorian People and Ideas by Richard Altick
9. Dreamers of Decadence by Philippe Jullian
10. Orality and Literacy by Walter Ong

My Facebook list looked a little different, as I had forgotten #4, and couldn't come up with another to take its place.  I had to scramble a little for #8, #9, and #10, which were all influential nonfiction.  But fiction was what defined me at various points in my life.

In fact, #1, #2, #3, #4, and #7 were all on the list because I read them more times than I know--and the list is in rough chronological order.  I read Little House on the Prairie in 3rd grade, and perhaps the following year, I got the boxed set of books, and read them voraciously for the next several years.  I remember specifically brining the books to school each day in 4th, 5th and 6th grades, and reading one of the books in a single day.  The Long Winter and These Happy Golden Years became worn from being read over and over, more than the rest--the former because it was an amazing tale of endurance, the latter because it was a portrait of growing up.

When I was in 6th grade, I attended a Christian school for part of the year because my mother had a job there, and at one point, the librarian, impressed with my appetite for books, and recognizing my resistance to "girl books" like Sweet Valley High and The Babysitters Club, or books about animals, directed me to the Chronicles of Narnia.  I was in love.  I read all but The Magician's Nephew while I was at the school--repeatedly.  When I returned to my public elementary school that same year, I bought The Magician's Nephew from Scholastic.  Years later, when I was 15, I worked as a camp counselor of sorts at Camp-of-the-Woods in Upstate New York, and I was able to buy my own set from their bookstore.  They fell apart almost immediately, and I wrote HarperCollins for a refund of the $40+ that they had cost.  The following year, it began to click for me that they were not simply fantasy, but Christian allegory--and so began my disillusionment wiht the Chronicles, and in a way, with Christianity (a symptom, also, of the particular type of Christianity I encountered at Camp-of-the-Woods, the superficiality, the compulsory nature of faith, and the loneliness....)  The books remained with me for a long time, as I learned more about Lewis, wrestled with his Christian identity, his adpotion by the evangelicals who made me feel alienated from Christianity, and his curious and often disturbing biography....  But even so, they stayed close as the more I read, the more I understood Lewis's influences, allusions, and techniques.  By the time I entered my M.A. program, I wanted to "redeem" The Chronicles of Narnia from those who would dismiss them on the basis of their Christianity.  My first graduate paper, my first abstract, and, consequently, my first article and my M.A. thesis came from that impulse.  From rereading, I was able to see exactly how to make a complex argument about how to read the books.  I squeezed another conference paper out of the Chronicles as well.  And this is what books should do--stay with us, grow with us, and lend themselves in some way to our intellectual or spiritual development.  My daughter has started reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, though she might be a little young to get through it on her own.  Someday, I'm sure I will reread them again.

The first non-children's lit--although it might justifiably be called"adult"--novel on the list is The Mists of Avalon--I credit--or blame--a high school English teacher for introducing it.  It's about a million pages long--longer than any of the Outlander books, for certain.  And sort of a poisonous, intoxicating book for a young woman/girl, disenchanted with Christianity, and sexually curious.  I read it probably ten times over the years, and fashioned myself into Morgaine--Bradley's version of Morgan le Fay.  For me, it epitomizes a "dangerous book"--I might say more about that one day soon, as I am currently rereading it--20 years later--to find out what my younger self found so captivating.  And really?  It is still captivating.  And I have found that the little bit of serious fiction I have written is heavily influenced by Marion Zimmer Bradley's tale, but perhaps I'll return to that in another post.

I may or may not have read The Vampire Lestat before The Mists of Avalon.  Or it might have been the same time.  It is the second of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles.  At the time, she had written up to The Queen of the Damned, and by the time The Tale of the Body Thief was written, I was disenchanted.  I read them out of order, so I worshipped Lestat and hated Louis--narrator of Interview with a Vampire--which is not what is supposed to happen.  Rice's vampires showed me an agnostic vision, at best, and a homoerotic one, and I dwelt there for a while, idealizing something I could never know.

I would think it odd that I did not find another book that I could reread and live in for many years, but as an undergraduate, I was a poet.  Then, as a new mother at 20, and in graduate school, I simply didn't have the time.  The Odyssey was influential intellectually as my introduction to Orality-Literacy theory, while the Inferno started tipping me toward Catholicism.  The next on the list was Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, and in a very short time, I read it as many times as some of the others.  As the first book I "lived in" as an adult, and a new Catholic, I found a lot of ways to work out ideas in The Lord of the Rings.  It refreshed my spirit, much like the story Lucy read in the magician's house in Voyage of the Dawn Treader--and I was able to share it with my husband as well.

So as I'm rereading--and reliving--The Mists of Avalon, and wondering what thoughts it will yield about books, about my former self, and about ideas that I could not have seen in the novel 20 years ago--I want to ask you--and consider it a tag:  what books have defined you?  What books have you read again and again, and lived in, so that they shaped the person you were, or who you would become?  Because a book can do that--it's the beauty of books, and also what makes them feared (the missing narrative of banned books week, present in dystopian literature).

Comment, blog about your books, and if you would, link back and leave a comment!  Happy reading.