Monday, September 13, 2021
New Post from The Reluctant Romance Reader
Wednesday, August 25, 2021
New Blog Announcement: The Reluctant Romance Reader
Today I launched a new blog: The Reluctant Romance Reader. It will be a focused, but meandering book review-type blog.
This one has been a long time coming, as I've been trying to figure out what to do with the vast romance novel reading I've been doing over the past several years. I will also still blog here and at Words, Words, but romance novel reviews didn't seem to fit with either of these blogs.
Head over and check it out if you're curious!
Cheers!
Literacy-chic
Thursday, July 1, 2021
A poem: Of literary biographies
Monday, May 24, 2021
The Tyranny of "Life Itself"
Today I came across an article that was, on its surface, about demographics. The author of the article--or blog post, really--apparently wrote a book in 2006 about declining birth rates worldwide, and the aging of the populace, and the consequences of these things. In large part, it was a post that I could agree with. And then, wrapping up, the author decided to bring his self-congratulation for getting it right years ago back to the present, and the pandemic [offensive phrasing removed]:
A final point: When I say that demography is "the single most important fact about the early 21st century", I mean it. As I've commented over the last year, it partially explains the fearful reaction to [the pandemic]. As I put it in [Book This Guy Wrote]:Aged societies, by their nature, are more cautious and less dynamic: old people weigh exposure to risk more than potential for gain.
And so since March 2020 we have prioritized "exposure to risk" over life itself. And for a year we walled up our dwindling number of young 'uns in small flats with no school chums, no stimulation, no physical activity: that's a society whose "assumptions" are old.
I don't know who this writer is or what his credentials are, and I don't care. It was an opinion article on the internet that happened to catch my attention because a friend on social media commented on his post. But this last takeaway gave me pause: that we have "prioritized 'exposure to risk' over life itself."
Now, for certain, this is a political posture. There are people whose opinions I respect who have said similar things, and who believe them. But this is a charge worth considering. What, in fact, does it mean to "prioritize 'exposure to risk' over life itself"? Frankly, what is "life itself"? There is an unstated assumption here (look at that rhetoric training!) that the author is asking us to buy into without thinking too much about it. But it's worth examining.
What people were asked to do for some or all of the last year, to differing degrees in different parts of the country (and let's not forget that the limitations on activities varied widely by state) or what they did for themselves because of their own sense of caution, was to curtail social activities and activities that seemed likely to encourage transmission of the virus. These might be work-related, celebrations, worship services, vacations, shopping, exercise... Activities that were more or less important, necessary, taken for granted, normal. It meant restrictions on what we wanted to do, what we usually do, what we often do (or did) without even thinking about it.
This exercise in self-restraint caused a heck of a lot of resentment. I'm not even going to make a judgment. It's a perfectly normal emotional reaction to a non-voluntary situation. And the degree of willingness to go along, the degree of resentment felt, had a lot to do with the risk-aversion of the particular person or people involved in the decision-making--whether personal or for a family unit. On the other hand, there were those who could not escape the situation because their particular employment forced some degree of engagement in social settings.
But is it fair to say that "life itself" was sacrificed?
In order to believe this, you have to believe that restaurants, vacations, and shopping constitute "life." I know that people also highlight their spiritual lives and their contact with loved ones. I also know that there were--imperfect, or inconvenient--ways to address these shortcomings. Not always, I know. And--again, imperfectly. But people who were determined to find a safe way to do things that were important to them often did. Others took risks. Others visited and quarantined for two weeks before. Some settled for experiences mediated by technology. There were, no doubt, essential elements of life that were stalled, curtailed, missed. Funerals. Births. Those life events that people come together to celebrate. I'm not talking about those things because those are not the things that most people were so eagerly jumping back into. When a birth or a funeral comes around again, it will be good to be able to be present. But getting back to normal mostly means going out and doing ordinary, daily activities that we previously took for granted. Many of these are related to commerce.
Many of the things I did not miss over the past year were commerce-related. I found after a while that I did not miss restaurants as much as I thought I would. It was a convenience I relied on too often, and often regretted in one way or another. My family didn't eat food from a restaurant for well over a year--and yes, I know that the virus wasn't food-borne. It was just something that I needed to do at the beginning to feel secure, and we just kept up with it. It certainly wasn't sacrificing "life itself." One huge thing I didn't miss was feeling like I should be doing something I wasn't. That I should be going somewhere--wherever it might be--because custom dictates that to fully experience a certain thing (indeed, "life itself") you have to go somewhere or do something more or less specific. I didn't miss the nagging feeling that because I didn't take the kinds of vacations that other people take to signify that they have stopped working for a time (however preoccupied with work they might happen to be) I was doing something wrong, or missing out somehow.
This isn't about me--it's cultural. We're fed the message constantly that there are simply certain things that people and families need to do to make memories or bond or indulge or relax or whatever. And not just by media. By co-workers who almost literally have to leave the country in order to take time off from work. By the people around us who have to go to Disney World every year. Who have to go on some vacation every year. Who believe that a child's summer vacation is wasted if that child hasn't done something over the summer. Teachers. Peers. Other parents. All of those expectations were suddenly--well, if not gone, then much, much quieter. The pandemic gave my children and I peace from others' expectations of what "life itself" means. Those messages are loud--to the degree that I was really feeling like I might need to take a fancy vacation in order to feel fulfilled. Which just goes to show how unfulfilled I had been feeling.
Now, I really want to go to a beach. And one day, I'd like to go to a really pretty beach, preferably with black sand. Because I love water and shorelines and particularly the movement of the waves when I'm suspended within them. But I was given a reprieve during which I could stop thinking for a while about whether that would ever be possible. There was no pressure to do in order to be. And yet, we absolutely did.
During the pandemic, we lived very much as I lived when I was growing up. My family didn't eat out often when we were growing up, and then it was usually hamburgers or chicken nuggets in bulk (not generally kid meals, which were too little food for too much money--although sometimes we did search the town for favored happy meal toys!). Also back in the day, we sometimes did take trips out of town, but they were never more than a day or two, and never at fancy hotels; most, in fact, were day trips. During the summer, I sometimes visited relatives for a week or so, but otherwise, we stayed home. I did a lot of reading. I did some crafts and drawing. I was never one for playing outside spontaneously or when there wasn't something specific to do, but we filled up little kiddie pools of varying size and played in them. We had toys that we played with. I did a lot of reading. (It bears repeating.) We largely stayed home. And really? There wasn't an expectation to do otherwise. I had a lot of friends who spent a lot of their time at home, even if they did spend a week in the summer on vacation or out of town somewhere, or, occasionally, at camp. To be clear, I didn't actively hang out with these friends during summer vacation, for the most part. I didn't avoid them, but that's how it was.
The pandemic did produce a lot of tension for us, no doubt. I started in an unfortunate place mentally, extremely risk-adverse because of a miscarriage and my husband's surgery to remove a slow-growing skin cancer. I'm still not entirely over the idea that my body is trying to kill me.
On the other hand, I know that we were extremely fortunate. Both my husband and I were able to work from home in the early days, which I continued throughout. We had work, and we did work. There were no break periods from work, because we were able to transition to working from home. No adjustment period while the workplace came to terms with it all.
We found, for this past school year, an excellent online school for my 7th and 9th grader that was not simply a school day conducted via video, but a challenging curriculum with excellent teachers that was enjoyable and eliminated many of the problems of "brick and mortar" school. My college student was able to have his classes online, though the education may have suffered somewhat (it's hard to tell with courses that were sort of half-baked anyway). And my life was pretty much changed by not having to spend hours shopping and by using curbside instead; I felt guilty at first, but reducing the number of people in the stores could only help with the safety of the workers. I plan to continue to use curbside shopping. I can't see that it's very different from when groceries used to be delivered; I simply work all day at a job instead of housework--and the housework still needs to be done. And often stays undone.
But while I was privileging safety over "life itself,"
- We started the pandemic with a Spring Break stay-cation, because I still needed a rest from the events of the beginning of the year and some time to spend in the (rental) house we moved into in August
- We took daily walks for much of 2020, which were were able to do mid-morning because of flexible school- and work-schedules
- We blew up an Aeropool that my 12yo didn't even know we had, and splashed and played with blow-up cacti and swim rings
- The girls tried out some baking, becoming comfortable making some tried-and-true recipes and trying out new ones
- One daughter sewed a plush Metroid for herself and one for her friend
- The other daughter taught herself to crochet with a scarf and filled the house with amigurumi; she's crocheting a cake as I type this
- I also taught myself to crochet with a scarf and made about 20 mandalas (think: colorful doily) of which I gave away the majority
- I participated in a summer crochet-a-long at my daughter's prompting, making summer-themed amiguriumi
- I made one crocheted blanket and started on another
- I made myself one dress, a skort for one daughter, and a shirt and a set of shorts-pajamas for each of them
- I drew a sketch of my work-at-home space, below
- We learned the names of several bird species that either live nearby or pass through seasonally
- We also learned the personalities of several types of birds, or what seem like personalities
- We watched a male red-bellied woodpecker nurture its baby
- My son became quite proficient at recognizing bird calls
- We had some adventures in gardening, including nurturing some succulents and cacti--sometimes even after a setback
- Two of us developed a fountain pen and ink collecting hobby, learning about different makes and nibs and inks (I'm just in it for pretty, shimmering colors) and sticking mainly to the lower end, "starter" pens, of which some are quite nice!
- We watched our very favorite non-media-personality bishop (I don't go in for media clergy) conduct mass weekly in a small retreat center chapel in an obscure corner of Texas, and were enriched by his words as we would not have been enriched by our local clergy
- I enrolled in a joint pain exercise therapy program offered by my workplace and virtually eliminated the severe hip pain I had been having, presumably from osteoarthritis, since October 2019 or so
- We watched movies together; we watched shows together; we learned about life on Tudor, Stuart, Victorian, Edwardian, and Wartime farms together
- We ate together; we laughed together; we talked together; sometimes we cried together
- I read some good books and some mediocre books
- I even wrote a couple of chapters of a book before giving up in something akin to despair... we'll see what happens with that.
Friday, January 8, 2021
Tom Bombadil - the Embodied
A short note on Tom Bombadil, whom I have mentioned once or twice before, since I have been rereading Fellowship of the Ring to help jump-start my stalled book progress:
Last summer, I wrote quite a lot about the Valar. In the course of writing about them, I engaged in rather a serious way with the idea of their spiritual nature--their wholly spiritual nature, which meant fluidity of form but not of gender, and a reversal of Tolkien's original plan that there should be children of the Valar.
Rereading Ch. 6: "The Old Forest," I did not have any epiphany concerning what type of being he is. Truthfully, I think the deciphering of all the mysteries to be a boring and fruitless endeavor. But it did occur to me how blissfully, exuberantly embodied he is, "dancing along the path," coming into sight "[w]ith another hop and a bound," if not quite tall enough to be a man, at least "too big and heavy to be a hobbit," "stumping along with great yellow boots on his thick legs, and charging through grass and rushes like a cow going down to drink." He is heavily made, heavily clothed, bearded, wrinkled, and utterly, completely, a physical being, reveling in moving about on the created earth almost as if he has chosen, quite deliberately, to exist in this form.
Tuesday, January 5, 2021
A Concurrent Project, perhaps Commonplace
Recently, I began rereading The Lord of the Rings. I'm supposed to be writing a book about how Tolkien presents marriage in his works, but I'm getting very bogged down in the Histories and the mythology. So I decided that the best way to remember why it was I wanted to write about Tolkien was to reread the thing I love most by him: The Lord of the Rings.
Meanwhile, I received some lovely things for Christmas: a fine Tomoe River notebook, and a bottle of Diamine Mystique ink (purple with gold shimmer), which I supplemented with a TWSBI Eco pen with a broad nib, which shows off the shimmer:
I am not a person who feels very comfortable with blank books and fine notebooks. I feel like I will mess them up--with mistake or the shoddiness of the thoughts that I have recorded. I have torn pages out of more journals and blank books than I remember because looking back, I just find them embarrassing. I have taken down a few blog posts, for that matter--or whole blogs with years' worth of posts. So the only thing I realize I feel comfortable recording in my book are quotes from what I am reading--a record of whatever strikes me at the time. This is how I began:
But you notice, something different has started to happen:
"I feel that as long as the Shire lies behind, safe and comfortable, I shall find wandering more bearable: I shall know that somewhere there is a firm foothold, even if my feet cannot stand there again."
And continued with Puddleglum:
"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."
And then this:
Tomorrow we may come this way
And take the hidden paths that run
Towards the Moon or to the Sun.
Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe,
Let them go! Let them go!
happened to recall this:
Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk along long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done,
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.
As I believe it always has.
It is, if you will, a Commonplace Book, but also, because it is a book of connections, it reminds me, again, of what things I know. And it strikes me that one of the valuable things in my education was always--and still is--the planting of beautiful words in my head.
With shimmer and shine,
Literacy-chic
P.S. - I am not at all happy with breaking a quote between pages, with my choice to single space the poetry, with my few mistakes, or even my variation in handwriting. And I need to work on wheedling my husband's gold-ink-filled pen on a longer-term basis (that is the color ink that I bought for him!). But I am resolved not to tear out any pages because of perfectionism. New Year's Resolution? We shall see!
Monday, January 4, 2021
How would I teach... Adrienne Rich?
It had to be poetry. There was never a doubt that, wherever else I went with this, I would start with poetry. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was not pursuing either poetry or children's literature in my graduate work. This was because 1) I was advised that children's literature wasn't taken seriously as a specialization, or it would limit me too much, or some such... and 2) there wasn't much focus on poetry at the school where I did my graduate work, which was not my first choice. Or my second. Or third. More because of circumstance and finance than because I couldn't get in anywhere else. I would up working on British Modernism because I was able to write a dissertation on British Modernism, and it seemed like a promising field. Except somehow, I didn't write about the cool British Modernists, or the cool issues in British Modernism, so...
I started out intending to work on ecopoetics. I had one of my mentors say that he would "love to work on ecopoetics" with me, as my advisor. He wound up being my advisor, but only because the Modernist I wanted to work on was too rigid. And she got pregnant, got divorced, and left, so there's that. Kids, take it from me: don't choose your Ph.D. program on the strength of a smile and a handshake, no matter how flattered you are by someone's regard. And don't continue into a Ph.D. program because you might as well, since your husband is finishing his second M.A. It is better to wait, teach a few classes or get a different job, and come back to it if you want to. Otherwise, in the immortal words of Admiral Akbar, "It's a trap!"
***
Having decided that I would start this series (?) with poetry, the poems started to flood my brain. Mostly, as promised, poems once considered as part of the canon--if, actually, on the late end of the canon. For example, Tolkien wouldn't have recognized them as canonical. Tennyson was verging on too late for his liking, Yeats was right out, and some of the others I would choose (will choose?) were, in fact, his contemporaries. But the poem that settled into my brain was, in fact, by Adrienne Rich. One of her later poems, that I encountered on my own rather than in a class, because I liked what I did read by Rich in class and, having aspirations to poetry myself, sought out contemporary poets. It is, in fact, "An Atlas of the Difficult World."
Right now, I am hamstrung by the fact that my poetry books are packed up from my exodus from my final (only?) (contingent) faculty position, by the fact that the poem is very copyright protected, and by the fact that it is, therefore, unavailable in its entirety on the web. But the most evocative section is available online, probably not legally:
I know you are reading this poemlate, before leaving your officeof the one intense yellowing lamp-spot and the darkening windowin the lassitude of a building faded to quietlong after rush hour. I know you are reading this poem....
I know you are reading this poem by fluorescent lightin the boredom and fatigue of the young who are counted out,count themselves out, at too early an age. I knowyou are reading this poem through your failing sight, the thicklens enlarging these letters beyond all meaning yet you read onbecause even the alphabet is precious.I know you are reading this poem as you pace beside the stovewarming milk, a crying child on your shoulder, a book in your handbecause life is short and you too are thirsty.
Sunday, January 3, 2021
Let's play a game!
It's a new year, and I admit that I am feeling... well, imposter syndrome. Let's cut to the chase and not mince words. The odd thing is that I don't feel the imposter syndrome of a scholar at a conference, or of a new faculty member in the classroom or a faculty meeting. Nope. I feel imposter syndrome in the comfort of my own home.
You see, while I have this Ph.D., it means absolutely nothing. I am not working in a job in which it matters in the least. I am not likely to do so ever again. There are not many occasions when having a Ph.D. in English means that you can contribute something to a conversation. If I know things, they are so far removed from my daily life, recent experience, and even my most recent teaching experiences (which were largely tech writing), that I wonder if, in fact, I still know them. When I do know something, or feel like maybe I used to know something, I am eclipsed by someone who knows every bit as much as I do in some areas, and more in many others. Not in English literature, but as I say, this rarely comes up in conversation and when it does, it is only tangential to the real substantive knowledge--which he knows. It's the curse of being married to someone with a job that actually makes him an expert in new and interesting things while I work a mostly-clerical job for a publisher of, realistically speaking, nothing I would read.
This is a hard situation for someone who used to be smart. And, I mean, I guess I'm still smart. But who would know it? Isn't that Ph.D. supposed to put some kind of a lid on that "smart" so that it exists for perpetuity? And of course, the answer is no. It doesn't, and no one ever said it did. That's what tenure does. It means that you're already at the top, and it doesn't matter whether you're "current in your field" any more; the field is free to leave you behind. Or is that "Emeritus"? I get confused.
At any rate, the field is leaving me behind--had already left me behind long ago. And that's fine, because I don't want what it has become. So here we come to my game.
I'm not very good at sticking with things, but I need something to do that will make me remember things that I know--or once knew. So I'm going to play a game called, "How would I teach that?" This is purely for my own benefit. I don't claim to be an expert--on anything, really. It's one of the things that was a problem for me as a teacher. That imposter syndrome--it runs deep. But the truth is that I didn't learn more about anything when I was getting my Ph.D. I learned how to write the ideas I had and make them sound scholarly, and I learned about the theories that were supposed to help me to do that and to fit my ideas in with what other people were talking about. I was already pretty good at the "sounding scholarly" part. The "fitting in" never worked.
I am also not claiming to be an expert teacher. I don't teach the way that anyone learns. What I might manage to convey, if I'm lucky, is a model of reading that my teachers imparted on me. And I mean my undergraduate professors, to whom I owe more of a debt for imparting their knowledge and inspiring me than anyone I have encountered since. I have had mentors since then, but not teachers.
The best part of being in the classroom is discussion, and it, truly, is where I am at my best. I have come up with my best ideas about works of literature while in the middle of explaining something... and sometimes, I've never been able to recapture the brilliance of the moment. But I also love writing (I think), so maybe some sparks can happen anyway.
I don't expect to enlighten anyone. If you had the high school or undergraduate curriculum that I did--a basically canonical kind of thing--you probably won't learn anything new. This is just an exercise. Do I protest too much? I don't want to disappoint anyone--including myself. But if you enjoy reading along, let me know. And feel free to offer suggestions. I might not feel qualified to take them, but maybe I'll challenge myself.
Anyway, with this ambitious plan, I will end, and hopefully think of something worth posting next--some nearly forgotten gem resting in the corner of my memory or my Norton Anthology.
In search of a good closing phrase,
Literacy-chic




